Tuesdays... feeling blah... reflecting on 14

Today is Tuesday. I keep thinking it Wednesday. I don't know why, I am not looking forward to Wednesday. I am not looking forward to much these days. I feel lost and discombublated (I love that word!) I want to feel healthier, lose weight, eat better, but I don't want to actually DO it. I just want it to happen. I hate being this lazy and I want to snap out of it, but I don't know how. Today I am going to work out, even if it kills me! And it might!

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Yesterday my DD turned 14. 14. That is hard for me to comprehend. In August she will start high school and my DS will start middle school. She is very different from me, but I love that about her. She is a vegetarian, I love my red meat! She is a musician, I hated band. She is shy, I am not. She is similar also. She is compassionate, caring, naggy, a perfectionist and has a great smile (I don't have a great smile, but I am hoping that I will by this time next year!)

Her life at 14 is so very different than my life at 14. When I was 14 my parents were getting divorced, my mother was drinking and partying and I was going hungry because she would blow her money on alchoal and gambling so we had no cash for food. I was doing all the housework because it wouldn't get done otherwise and I was keeping all of this a secret from my friends because I was too embarassed to tell anyone what was going on. I was contemplaing suicide and writing poems about killing myself in the hopes someone would notice.

Even though my DH and I are happily married and we don't have the problems that existed when I was 14, her life isn't as easy as I would like it to be. She works hard to keep her grades up, she plays or practices her music 5-6 days a week, she deals with other girls who have boyfriends and wonders if she will ever have one. Many kids have greater problems and she is blessed to have the ones she has, but she won't understand or appreciate this fact for many years.